Chelsea

I remember what happened on this date one year ago. It was 4am in the morning. My sister and I were still in bed. I was sleeping but I managed to keep my body on alert. Mom barged into our room after getting a call from dad telling us to wake up and get ourselves to the hospital. I went into a conscious frenzy and pulled myself together. I waited for my mom and sis to get ready and get out so we could hail a cab.

I remember tweeting about a verse which goes something like his: do not boast about tomorrow for we will not know what would happen. We were on the sidewalk, peering into the dark ends of the road waiting for a moving green light to come. I prayed for a cab. It came. I never felt so triumphant in my life before. I blocked my thoughts. I refused to think of what would happen and what actually happened. All I know was that I should get there ASAP.

At the hospital lobby, the staff wanted to aggravate me. We were on special priority. And she still wanted us to scan our IC's one by one. I really felt like shouting at her. We got up, the curtains were half closed, my relatives were surrounding Her, I walked in and saw my aunt pumping Her chest. Her eyes were closed, hands sprawled over the edge of the bed frame.

A little heartbeat showing up on the monitor. I thought she was unconscious. Which she was. Dad said she waited for us to be here. I walked up next to her by her bed. I shook her gently, calling her. I wanted so much for her eyes to open. And look at me one last time. Tears came out like waterfall.

We were asked to move out from the area. I knew right there and then that her heartbeat wasn't even existing. I cried buckets. And finally reality came. She left us. After the adults have settled some stuff, my family and I went to have porridge for breakfast.

We were quiet. I tried to lift up the mood. But it ended with more tears and pain. We got home around 10 in the morning. Sis and I continued to sleep cause it was a lot for us. And when we woke up in the afternoon. It felt like it was a different day.

I remember visiting my grandma a week before that. She couldn't remember some people, but she remembered me. Lying on the alien bed she told me: study hard, graduate and get married. When I was younger she said to me most of the time she wanted to see me graduate from university. I'm not there yet. But she's not even here.

My November wasn't the same anymore. My life wasn't the same anymore. I was dreading when November was coming this year.

I will never forget you and never forget that day.

I miss you grandma. <3

9.11.10

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